You're welcome.

That girl's like a gun to my holsta...

I thought that I might have something worthwhile to say tonight, but as I sit, I realize I don't. There's too much blank space on this computer screen that I can't fill. Maybe I'm just not too good at putting my thoughts down on paper. Maybe I just don't need to. I've never been one for thinking out loud.

I've been thinking about music lately. How rap and rock make you feel angry, classical makes me relax, musicals make me alive, pop and country make me hyper. I'm very picky about what music I listen to and when. I have to be in the right mood. But currently there are two songs that I'm always in the mood for.

1.
Heaven is the face of a little girl
With dark brown eyes
That disappear when she smiles.
Heaven is the place
Where she calls my name
Says, “Daddy please come play with me for awhile.”

Chorus:

God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for.
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.
So right now...

Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep,
Lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing.
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms,
Being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams

And God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m longing for
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.

Bridge:

But in my mind’s eye I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space.
All the cancer is gone,
Every mouth is fed,
And there’s no one left in the orphans’ bed.
Every lonely heart finds their one true love,
And there’s no more goodbye,
And no more not enough,
And there’s no more enemy.

Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss
And a thousand other little things I miss with her gone.
Heaven is the place where she takes my hand
And leads me to You,
And we both run into Your arms.

Oh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dream.
It’s far beyond anything I can conceive.
So God, You know, I’m trusting You until I see
Heaven in the face of my little girl,
Heaven in the face of my little girl.



Sorry, I know that's a lot to read through. I always hate reading lyrics. I'll link to the music because it's so much better if you hear it. I hope you've already heard it. I cry every single time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3Mj6iOG1xM


2.
Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday
It´s like my iPod stuck on replay.....


You know what song I'm talking about. You know. I love this song. If a certain boy I know (you know who) and I had a song, it would probably be this one. At least this is the one I associate with Boy.



Meg.

Do you want something special?

There’s always a chance that something special will happen. Or someone special. Maybe in some special place. But whenever you are someplace, there is something special happening to someone around you. All you have to do is listen for it. Like the young couple who sit down on the bench. Listen, and you might hear him say, “Will you marry me?” Or the daughter, walking her little dog, smiles at her mother and asks, “When is my little sister going to be born?” Or you might see a simple smile on someone’s face, and you’ll know, that this day might not be special, but for some reason, right now is. But the danger in listening is this: the things you hear might not always be special. They might be terrible. Like hearing the words, “I can’t marry you.” Or hearing a mother say, “Baby, your sister…. isn’t coming.” Or seeing the jogger who just passed you burst into tears through the smile you thought was a special moment. But through all of these moments – the terrible and the special– the best and most perfect “special” comes through: when you walk over to the abandoned girl without an engagement ring. When you run over the sister-less child and throw a stick for her dog to chase. When you ask the jogger what’s wrong – and when through all of your efforts, if even one accepts your help, you have created the most special moment ever to be experienced.

-Megan

LOST again!

From time to time you just need a big bowl of ice cream. Mmmm cake batter ice cream....


So in Meganville the world is pretty much.... normal. I suppose. I feel normal. Crazy happenings. Car has been totaled, and I'm behind on school, but springbreak is this week, so all the drama will have a little down time to fizzle out.

Thank goodness.

I'm watching LOST again (hallelujah!!!) and it's fantastic. I remembered more than I thought I would. Love it just as much as I did. Almost done with season 3! I hope to watch the season 6 finale episode with the rest of the world.

Still.

What a crazy world.

When you close your eyes after everything that's happened up to that day,

and you can still

sleep.



What a crazy day.

When everything that could go wrong, went,

and yet,
for all the things that didn't go wrong,

you still

smile.



What a crazy God.

When you do everything you can to push him away,

your anger, your evasiveness,
but, even so,
at the end of the day,

He still
welcomes you to his arms
and you still
climb up, and

cry.

"Somewhere over the rainbow, I have a callback"

Wow, what happenings!!!
I auditioned for The Wizard of Oz last night
It snowed BUCKETS today
I finished Calculus!!!
And, wow, I'm posting on my blog.

Can't you see me as Dorothy? I can. Sort of.... The part's a bit boring, I know, but I'm interested in the music. She has the most stage time and music of.... probably all the characters. Mainly, it's the singing. The callbacks are on Saturday, but I probably won't know if I've got one until Friday. Grrr... This is stressful. I feel pretty good about my audition, though. My acting teacher said it was really good, so that's a good sign. You know, if a professional actor told you an audition was really good, you'd think you'd stop worrying so much. Funny how that works.... I'm still worrying so much. My song was not spectacular, though. By that I mean, it was pretty awful. Okay, it wasn't that bad, but I could have done waaaay better. Fortunately the director already knows I can sing and likes my voice. But still.... Gah!!!

Ok bye.
Meg

Four beads on a bracelet

Today begins lent. Or, well, I guess it was yesterday. But for me it's today. It was hard deciding what I needed to give up. I wanted something big enough to really impact my day to day routine. So I decided that I have two main issues that need to be addressed. 1.) I need to be present to the people around me. When I'm in the room, that's where my focus is. I give my all to whatever I am doing at the moment. 2.) I need to be less concerned with how other people see me. I need to let go of this insecurity that kills me. Hopefully this will lead to me being less judgmental as well. But I'm starting with my insecurity.
So, I'm giving up two things: TV and fashion.

Here's why: TV (particularly LOST) is addictive. I use it to comfort myself when I'm down, and it distracts me from my day to day life. After an episode all I want to do is watch another one. I have a LOST addiction. I'll admit it. I'm a LOST addict. (haha, pun, you get it "lost addict". Muwhahah) I want to be more present, so I'm taking away the major distraction. Sometimes I stay up to 2:00 in the morning watching LOST. How is that healthy? And of course, the next day I want to watch even more and I obsessively think about LOST all day. So I'm going to be more present.
I'm giving up fashion because of my image. I don't need to be concerned how I look to other people. I don't need to be affirmed that I'm a good person or that people like me. And most of all I don't need to be concerned with how sexy I am, because this is not the time for me. God will fill all holes that need to be filled, so I'm giving up fashion, giving up trying to fill them with something less than God.

Here's the rules.
1.) No Hulu.
2.) No shows or movies on youtube.
3.) If someone else initiates watching a movie or turning on the TV, movies are okay. It's best to leave if the TV's on. Use own discretion.
4.)For fashion, I'm only allowed to wear sweatshirts, t-shirts, or athletic sweaters.
5.) I will not use make-up, perfume, jewelry, or any other item to make myself feel more beautiful.
6.) I will avoid mirrors as much as possible. I know mirrors are everywhere, so "no mirrors" is not a hard, fast rule. It's guidelines.
7.) I will wear my bracelet at all times.

The bracelet is one that I made at Tutoring a long time ago. It has four beads. Two together and one on each side. The two together represent the two things I'm giving up. The two on the ends represent what I'm hoping to accomplish.

This is my Lent.
Megan

S.A.D. (singles awareness day)

So Valentines day has come and gone. Yet another year. I suppose I wouldn't really like having a boyfriend anyways. I have a hard enough time just having friends! I'm kind of a rotten one, really. I don't keep in touch and I don't call anyone. I don't know... I'm not sure if I'm scared of rejection or if I'm scared I won't like them. It's a strange situation to be in. Which ever way, though, I miss you Abby, and I'm glad to have you.

This is much more depressing than I meant it to be. I'm actually having a very good day! I watched LOST last night, slept in this morning, got up and showered, and here I am. We're going to make grilled sandwiches for lunch and eat a little picnic in the dining room. It's too cold to eat outside. And we're having pinto beans for dinner. I LOVE pinto beans. There cooking in the crock pot and I can smell them. Mmmm....

What's with me and food? I guess it makes me happy...
Megan

P.S. I've already eaten the 7oz. Hershey kiss I got for valentines day. All 7 ounces.

Moments...

How is it that just sitting in a room with the lights turned down in the evening can be so pleasant? Maybe it's just that I'm used to being at home at night. I don't have much of anywhere to go. Maybe it's being with my parents, people who love me unconditionally and are so much more wise than I'll ever be. Maybe it's the peace after a day used well. Maybe it's the peace with who I am, finally enjoying being me. Whatever the cause, it's a wonderful thing to sit silently in the room with other human beings, loving them, being loved, all doing our own thing or something together -it doesn't matter. Sharing time is invaluable. It's something to be treasured.

Megan

A flair for the dramatic

New background. I'm not going gothic or anything, I just think it's dramatic. I like dramatic colors. But not drama. I can't stand drama (not drama as in theater, you understand. Drama as in extremes and arguments). It seems there's been a bit of drama around here lately. It's probably all in my head, but I am so ready to escape. Not in the sense that I'm bored with where I'm at, but in the sense that my life is at a turning point and I wish it would go ahead and turn instead of stalling on the point. I would be fine to stay where I'm at or go where I'm going, I just hate this in-between junk.

Best wishes
Meg

Okay...

What a lovely stretch of time I've not been posting!
No. Actually, it's not lovely at all. It's actually quite ugly. You know me, guys, I can't write. And I'm reeeeally bad at long distance relationships. I'm sorry.... I do love you Abby. I just have a mental block when it comes to phone conversations. I feel really out of touch.... so here I go to patch up my awful absence.
I'm afraid my life hasn't been anywhere close to as exciting as Lauren's is. But, hey, that's probably a good thing. I like steady. I'm a steady kind of person. I'm steadily falling in love with Lost. Seriously, it's taking over my brain. What the heck is up with the polar bears? What happens if they don't push the button? WHO ARE THE "OTHERS"?! Holy cow, I'm obsessed.
Other than that, I've come to the realization that I don't hate people, I'm just not very social. I don't mind people now and then. I hate Calculus. I think I want to major in Chemistry. I want to go to Wheaton College (I think). I can beat procrastination (barely. stupid Lost.) I want to learn to drive a stick-shift. I love old books so much I steal them from my dad's office. And I'm officially done with harp. I'm selling my harp. Hard decision, but I think it's a good one.

Sorry it takes me so long to post,
Megan